She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
