I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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