News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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