where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
