He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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