she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
