watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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