Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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