You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
