So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
