How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
