My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
