i need an iv and a liver transplant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
