Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize