Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
