thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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