What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
