Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
