I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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