In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
