Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize