I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
