i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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