Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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