i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Welp...herpes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
