Kareoke will never be a sober sport
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
