I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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