this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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