She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
