umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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