shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
