how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
