i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
