ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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