I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
