they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
