Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
