The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
