Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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