sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
