god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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