he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize