Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
They took my balls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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