The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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