You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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