I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
