If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
