The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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