I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
