I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
