I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
