you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
