Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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