I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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