I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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