Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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