I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i think my cat just said my name.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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