The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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