the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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