Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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