I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
no, he came in my armpit
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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