I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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