Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
